Love the Licks

I've been captivated by Juliette Lewis since seeing her in the movie Cape Fear. At first I didn't know what the attraction was, apart from her being attractive!!! Other films and magazine articles served to fuel my interest in her. Then came "Strange Days" where I was introduced to her singing voice.

That was it, Juliette was officially my idol.

After holding her above my head as she crowd surfed the audience at a gig in Cardiff, I realised not only how light she was, but what a individual and empowered person she was. I now love her for mind as well as her body!!!

After seeing her and the Licks play another four times (always on the front row) and meeting her at a signing I've come to greatly respect her as an artist. My point.. How nice to meet an idol that doesn't shatter your illusions.

Festival fun

I've just returned from a magical place full of elves and fairies! I arrived in pink Ice Cream sneakers, a vintage Diesel T-shirt and Criminal Jeans - I left in a sarong and vest, sporting a beard and much ethnic jewellery. My first festival of the season and how quickly I found my inner self.

Wine and strong cider, coupled with the heat, put me in the perfect moment. A moment of music, bare feet, dreadlocks and leather bikinis.

For a while I was a wise sage, dispensing calming mantras, at one with my environment... then the fermented apple tincture wore off.

In an environment like this it is easy to put "Buddha in Your Mirror" and "The Power of NOW" into practice. A place without all the trappings of modern day life.

New Character

I wasn't overly enamoured by The Matrix, but the idea that we could all be living a virtual life has got legs. So much so, that I'm convinced the programming behind my life has got a few glitches.

Some time back I was seeing grape stalks everywhere; in the gutter, on carpets and in other random places - then never again. Two weeks ago I saw a poster using the powerful imagery of a youthful girl missing her legs, which warned against drink driving. That evening I saw a man with a missing arm and two days later a woman with a missing arm.

Now maybe there is nothing to worry about, but these occurrences seem less random than they should be? I didn't think too much about it until the new character appeared in my life.

This teenage lad was first sighted in my after work pub. He was particularly noticeable because he looked too young to be served, yet he seemed to know everyone in the pub. Then I see him in my neighbourhood, chatting to lots of people. Finally a couple of days ago I see him at my place of work.

Is he a new character being introduced to my virtual life, maybe a little too unsubtly? Yet he knows more people in my environment than me? It could be worse, I could could be the new character in his virtual life.

Damn these glitches.

Opium of the masses, just cannabis for me
Karl Marx felt that "Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people".


He may be right? But Buddhism is more widely regarded as philosophy than a religion... which is why, after reading up on Buddhism, I attended my first meeting. A large property housed many Buddhists, eager to impart their wisdom on me. There was a good mix of ages and walks of life.

My counsellor and I decided that I ought to do something about my feelings of there being more to life than "this". Meditation also helps anxiety and general health, and as that was why I had counselling in the first place, it had to be worth a go.

It started as a gentle introduction to the Buddhist way of life; an address by the host; a marketing video from SGI; a question and answer session.

Then the topic of the regularity of chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo was bought up. One woman was eager to chant in groups for long periods of time - it was a condition of hers. I was eager to practice on my own - it is a condition of mine!

Well within seconds Nam Myoho Renge Kyo was resonating throughout the house, I was meant to be joining in, but I couldn't keep up. In fact I was getting quite anxious!

The silence came. And went. A woman started weeping. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo embodies the Lotus Sutra, Buddha Shakyamuni's teaching about supreme enlightenment and buddhahood.

I was surprised how few people there had read all of the Lotus Sutra, but the meeting was quite an experience. I was reminded about the last time I visited a stranger's house. I was 15 and was returning home from a meal in the care of an American man who was visiting my family. We bumped into an unknown, middle aged couple who welcomed us into their home and plied us with cannabis and Scotch whist we listened to Lou Reed's Transformer. That too was a time of enlightenment. I still listen to Transformer and can keep up with Walk on the Wild Side.

No man is an island - unfortunately!

Some people complain about being lonely, I complain when people are around me! I like living in my head and musing the mysteries of the universe. I wish I were an abstract thought bouncing around an philosopher' head; a particle of matter yet to evolve into life - something unnoticeable, but with a lot of potential.

I thought I had found a place of solitude, a place where I was invisible, a place that was licensed!

I thought that the pub on the way back from work was an impenetrable bastion of reflection. Surely punks, goths and bikers would have no need of conversation from a modern-day dandy, such as my good self?

Alas, I now have a friend.

My weird Science Experiment! (Part One)
People are always sugesting I 'have a type' when it comes to ladies! Well I protest, I don’t have a type (sorry darling!). How can anyone be so narrow minded as to discount all those possible matches - those special somebodies that are out there - based on their minor physical traits.

I have such a diverse interest in ladies, that I couldn’t narrow it down to one lucky type (sorry darling!). But it got me thinking, if I was to create my ideal woman, what would she look like? And of course what would she be like as a person?!

Stage one of my experiment involves me drawing up a list of all the physical attributes I admire in a woman. I’ll be busying myself creating a photofit image of all those inspirational bits.

In the meantime, I’ve drawn up a preliminary list of items needed for the final part of the experiment:

• Memotech MX512 PC - required
  
• Collection of Playboy and Vogue magazines - check
  
• Access to US Government mainframe computer - shouldn’t be too hard!


• Possibility of a bizarre electrical storm - waiting for long range weather forecast
  
• White bra to wear on head - check


• Jump Leads and Barbie doll - I’m using a Bratt doll - they’re more curvy!
  
• Fellow teenage nerd - NO, I’m going it alone!

Lost, handshakes and Snakeskin

Mr James, my friend hasn’t bothered watching Lost series 4, so insisted that I tell him the story so far. It was noted that I should never be sent to Hollywood to pitch for a series, as my synopsis made little sense. But, as good as Lost is, how did it see the light of day?! “well there’s a tropical island with polar bears on and some sort of bee swarmy thing and a mad French woman”.

As we sat in the cocktail bar we gave up on Lost and turned our attention to the firmness of handshakes - The grip just firm enough to apply comfortable pressure, communicating confidence and ability. We agreed that the overly macho handshake that dislocates your knuckles makes just you want to wrestle the aggressor to the floor - trying to establish dominance with a handshake is so lame.

Several holstelries later it was the new Vodka bar that we found sanctuary in. We couldn’t understand why everyone was Salsa dancing, but our attention was soon captured by the snakeskin seats and walls? I kept slipping off my seat and in my drunken stupor Mr James looked like he was astride a giant serpent.

The rest is a blur and now my head hurts!

You'll never cure me, but you will teach me to be a better neurotic!

I've spent most of my life quite quite phychologically stable - until I was referred to a counsellor four months ago. After being introduced to Transactional Analysis I can't order a mojito (with chili pepper) without reading something into the whole social exchange!

As a kid I was told by my insanely house proud mother, that I could only drive my toy cars in the direction of the carpet's pile, as she didn't like the tracks left on the carpet! How can you recreate a Starsky and Hutch car chase if your 1976 Ford Gran Torino had to stop at the rug leaving the perps to escape under the sofa? Needless to say I soon became an expert on covering up my tracks.

If only my counsellor had told me to skip the first 15 chapters of "Games People Play" I could have accepted that all my issues stem from not fully gaining autonomy from my parents early teachings.

Mr Dave, my drinking companion last night, drew my attention to some words of wisdom from Philip Larkin:

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

They f*ck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were f*cked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

I don't know how long I'll stick with counselling, sometimes I feel that I don't want to go any deeper than Woody Allen's realisation "Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety" and just accept my little peculiarities as remnants of my upbringing. My parents may have left me with a morbid fear of carpet, but at least I get my own back when I visit!

The blue funk
A quiet beer and time to reflect after a crazy week has seen me shed my grumpy skin and return to my default setting of "calm, but wary". I want to do something exciting tonight, like wear lots of lilac lace and some high heels and sing "1999".

Unfortunately if the ne'er-do-wells in the nearest karaoke bar didn't beat me up, wearing stilettos at 6'6" would result in knocking myself unconscious on the low beams.

The reality is I'm not going to strum the 'Blue Angel' in a cloud of dry ice tonight, I'll drink many beers and gaze longingly at the guitars in the music shop window.

One day my (chance at being) Prince will come!!!"

What music do you do listen to when you are melancholy?

A poppy uplifting song (Katrina & The Waves - Walking On Sunshine) or if you’re like me, you could listen to sad songs, wallow in misery and get it all out of your system - feeling better in the morning. Now where are my “The Very Best of the Smiths” and "Victorialand" CDs?

Talk to a stranger – or a strange friend
I’m currently having my head mended following a curse of anxiety attacks. Unfortunately this means dissecting my entire life – past and present. When you doubt the very values that made you who you are, sometimes you need a friend to put things into perspective. Enter Andy!

My friend Andy came to stay recently and after months of fretting over issues that I couldn’t tell even my counsellor, I burdened him with my evil spirits!

It worked, he seemed depressed over the state of his best mate, and I feel a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and even my soul.