You'll never cure me, but you will teach me to be a better neurotic!

I've spent most of my life quite quite phychologically stable - until I was referred to a counsellor four months ago. After being introduced to Transactional Analysis I can't order a mojito (with chili pepper) without reading something into the whole social exchange!

As a kid I was told by my insanely house proud mother, that I could only drive my toy cars in the direction of the carpet's pile, as she didn't like the tracks left on the carpet! How can you recreate a Starsky and Hutch car chase if your 1976 Ford Gran Torino had to stop at the rug leaving the perps to escape under the sofa? Needless to say I soon became an expert on covering up my tracks.

If only my counsellor had told me to skip the first 15 chapters of "Games People Play" I could have accepted that all my issues stem from not fully gaining autonomy from my parents early teachings.

Mr Dave, my drinking companion last night, drew my attention to some words of wisdom from Philip Larkin:

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

They f*ck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were f*cked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

I don't know how long I'll stick with counselling, sometimes I feel that I don't want to go any deeper than Woody Allen's realisation "Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety" and just accept my little peculiarities as remnants of my upbringing. My parents may have left me with a morbid fear of carpet, but at least I get my own back when I visit!

The blue funk
A quiet beer and time to reflect after a crazy week has seen me shed my grumpy skin and return to my default setting of "calm, but wary". I want to do something exciting tonight, like wear lots of lilac lace and some high heels and sing "1999".

Unfortunately if the ne'er-do-wells in the nearest karaoke bar didn't beat me up, wearing stilettos at 6'6" would result in knocking myself unconscious on the low beams.

The reality is I'm not going to strum the 'Blue Angel' in a cloud of dry ice tonight, I'll drink many beers and gaze longingly at the guitars in the music shop window.

One day my (chance at being) Prince will come!!!"

What music do you do listen to when you are melancholy?

A poppy uplifting song (Katrina & The Waves - Walking On Sunshine) or if you’re like me, you could listen to sad songs, wallow in misery and get it all out of your system - feeling better in the morning. Now where are my “The Very Best of the Smiths” and "Victorialand" CDs?

Talk to a stranger – or a strange friend
I’m currently having my head mended following a curse of anxiety attacks. Unfortunately this means dissecting my entire life – past and present. When you doubt the very values that made you who you are, sometimes you need a friend to put things into perspective. Enter Andy!

My friend Andy came to stay recently and after months of fretting over issues that I couldn’t tell even my counsellor, I burdened him with my evil spirits!

It worked, he seemed depressed over the state of his best mate, and I feel a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and even my soul.