My weird Science Experiment! (Part One)
People are always sugesting I 'have a type' when it comes to ladies! Well I protest, I don’t have a type (sorry darling!). How can anyone be so narrow minded as to discount all those possible matches - those special somebodies that are out there - based on their minor physical traits.

I have such a diverse interest in ladies, that I couldn’t narrow it down to one lucky type (sorry darling!). But it got me thinking, if I was to create my ideal woman, what would she look like? And of course what would she be like as a person?!

Stage one of my experiment involves me drawing up a list of all the physical attributes I admire in a woman. I’ll be busying myself creating a photofit image of all those inspirational bits.

In the meantime, I’ve drawn up a preliminary list of items needed for the final part of the experiment:

• Memotech MX512 PC - required
  
• Collection of Playboy and Vogue magazines - check
  
• Access to US Government mainframe computer - shouldn’t be too hard!


• Possibility of a bizarre electrical storm - waiting for long range weather forecast
  
• White bra to wear on head - check


• Jump Leads and Barbie doll - I’m using a Bratt doll - they’re more curvy!
  
• Fellow teenage nerd - NO, I’m going it alone!

Lost, handshakes and Snakeskin

Mr James, my friend hasn’t bothered watching Lost series 4, so insisted that I tell him the story so far. It was noted that I should never be sent to Hollywood to pitch for a series, as my synopsis made little sense. But, as good as Lost is, how did it see the light of day?! “well there’s a tropical island with polar bears on and some sort of bee swarmy thing and a mad French woman”.

As we sat in the cocktail bar we gave up on Lost and turned our attention to the firmness of handshakes - The grip just firm enough to apply comfortable pressure, communicating confidence and ability. We agreed that the overly macho handshake that dislocates your knuckles makes just you want to wrestle the aggressor to the floor - trying to establish dominance with a handshake is so lame.

Several holstelries later it was the new Vodka bar that we found sanctuary in. We couldn’t understand why everyone was Salsa dancing, but our attention was soon captured by the snakeskin seats and walls? I kept slipping off my seat and in my drunken stupor Mr James looked like he was astride a giant serpent.

The rest is a blur and now my head hurts!